When the Right Decision Doesn’t Always Feel Right
Life transitions can be both positive and negative, and we have all experienced many of them: moving, starting a new school, graduating, changing jobs, the beginning and ending of relationships, and loss in all its forms. We can experience joy, sadness, fear, hopefulness, anxiety, and excitement.
One of my earliest memories of a life transition was moving the summer after fourth grade. We moved to a new neighborhood and into a new house, and I started a new school for fifth grade. I had a very hard time adjusting. I desperately wanted to fit in and make new friends. It wasn’t an easy transition for me or anyone in my family, and I look back at my ten-year-old self with a tremendous amount of compassion for everything she was navigating. Eventually, I did make friends, and my fears dissolved as I began to find my way.
More recently, I went through another big transition. After more than a decade of working in New York City, I opened a private practice in Madison, Connecticut.
In the months leading up to the transition, I was excited and nervous. It was a big change. I was leaving a city I had lived in since my freshman year of college and a career I had spent over a decade building. Then, suddenly, I wasn’t commuting anymore. I wasn’t checking work emails or managing staff, clients, and a program. I felt relieved and also terrified. I watched myself spiral into anxiety and grief. I felt the loss of what I had left behind and so much fear about the future. I knew it was the right decision, but that didn’t mean it felt right all the time.
Life is full of transitions. To live is to navigate constant change. Some transitions we choose, while others are forced upon us. Even the changes we want can bring anxiety, grief, and a sense of disorientation. Knowing that a decision is right does not mean we will feel certain, confident, or happy every step of the way.
In therapy, we can slow down and make space for the full range of emotions that transitions bring: excitement, fear, loss, relief, and joy. We can notice what is happening in both the mind and the body while beginning to understand what we are leaving behind and who we are becoming. When we make space for these experiences, we honor both our humanity and the complexity of being alive.